The Yellow Cassette: My First Prescription for Pain (The Origin Story of Mother Alchemy)

At Six Years Old, I Used Ancient Cretan Mourning Songs to Heal My Bloodline

A story I held inside me for 40 years.

At six years old, I wasn't running drills in a psychology class or hunting for a performative epiphany. I was just a kid with a YELLOW CASSETTE.

For the first eight years of my life, my grandmother was my anchor. She spoon-fed me stories of their life post-WW2. I was literally being fed my history, invited to digest and alchemise it into wisdom. I refused the sterile, contained world of kindergarten. I'd stay home, sit in my living room, and put the tape in.

This was no ordinary music.

🎶 The Ancient Language of Grief

This tape was the ancient, raw, gut-wrenching mourning lyrics of women who had lost everything. They were mourning poetry. Love leaking as grief. The words were set to music by Loudovikos Ton Anogeion, a Cretan musician who composed, threading their grief into song. He was acting as a scribe to sorrow, setting the heart-pouring words of lament to music. He was the witness. And so was I. At six. I'd put the cassette on and let the sound permeate my entire being, filling the room like a dense, heavy, ancient fog. I'd sit there, cross-legged, my skinny body housing a small, vast heart that could inexplicably hold so much weight. ( Have a listen if you wish)

The music I was listening to was the deep lament of a wife mourning her lost husband, like the "Moirologi of Manolis", women losing children. Not only was I releasing ancient grief i was also connecting on some level with my mother in a most loyal manner as she would tear up listening to these songs herself. A child, deprived of love and affection, this was MY loyalty to her.

The Visceral Truth: Tears are a Solvent

My tears would pool, often streaming like a current flood of water rinsing old, dust-covered grief right out of my bloodline. Louder than the music, in those moments of surrender, a voice would thunder inside me, a pure, visceral truth: "It's healing you. Let it out. This was not a lesson handed down. This was the original wiring. At six, my soul already understood that grief was a savage god demanding its due space, and that tears were a necessary medicine, not a shameful pointer of fragility. I was performing my own ritual of liberation before I could even articulate the word. This was my survival. This was my first act of defiance against a world that taught both men and women to lock it all down.

My now harvested truth: The Breakdown Is The Breakthrough

This was one of the first, undeniable signs that my path was already set: to shatter the silence. To become the Alchemical Vessel of the unspoken words. Joanna Macy, a great elder and ancestor now, talks about those of us who grow up to becoem Holy Vessels

This I AM. Here ,to be the sweeping hand that finally sweeps the unshed tears of generations. Life led me to train with Thomas Hübl on Ancestral Healing, but my work had begun years back, with a yellow cassette. It's time to REST these stories in the HIVE MIND and HIVE-EYE wisdom, to compost them into fuel.

If this story resonates in your bones; if you feel the weight of what your own bloodline has not been allowed to mourn; then you are ready to move from silence to the sacred space of expression.

JOIN our Mother Alchemy Circle where we will move through my BODY of work, the Ancient MOTHER SPIRAL, to alchemise, compost, and regenerate Life's flow. Though not purely focusing on ancestral stuff, this will be forming part of the group if the field brings it. I trust in the wisdom of the FIELD.

Move from Silence to Sacred Expression: Claim Your Seat in the Mother Alchemy Circle

We start 15th December on a Monday at 3:00-4:30 uk time. IF this time doesnt suit make sure you submit the form so you can be kept posted for future offerings.

REGISTER HERE

for a FULL return to SOURCE check out our Retreat in Crete next October, there we will do a DEEP Dive on Ancestral Work Return to the Source: Explore the Crete Ancestral Healing Retreat details. in October 2026.