The GIFT of Presence this Christmas

Practicing containment during the Christmas period is perhaps the most advanced alchemical work a mother can do right ? 

The holidays are a tempting "leaking Season"- the cultural expectation that the Mother acts as the ultimate vessel for everyone else’s joy, usually at the expense of her own is a silent contract  signed for centuries.

We have held so much weight and emotional labour.

Of course our own ancestry and lineage matters here . Context is important.

For some of us we had no family bonding or happy memories so we tend to over give - over serve. Personally, I had the reverse , my mother always over prepared, over given and over compensated for what she didnt have, in a way that consumed me. So I’m aware of my inner tendency to NOT want to do anything, and to honour my neurodivergence wiring. We re all balancing out these inner movements in us. 

In my Mother Alchemy Group ,we talked about vesseling. A concept by Francis Weller I have come recently and which I loved. To practice Vesseling (the art of not leaving yourself) during Christmas, you must shift from being an open sieve to a sealed crucible.

Below, I offer some  tangible, somatic, and energetic ways a mother can practice containment in the holiday chaos:

1. The Morning "Sealing of the Vessel"

Before you leave your bed and enter the "performance" of the day, take three minutes to establish your internal container.

• The Practice: Close your eyes. Visualize your body as a sacred vessel - because you so are ! 

• sometimes it helps to whisper to yourself: "My attention is mine to give, not theirs to take. I am staying home in my own body today."

• for deeper Somatic Anchor: 

Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. This physical touch signals to your nervous system that you are present and accounted for. Notice the warmth of your hand on your skin and the pressure of your touch. Register the response in you as you receive YOUR touch. You are not "leaving" to go manage the guest list or the gift wrap yet. You are HERE

2. Practice "The Pause" (The Mother's Blade)

In the heat of holiday demands—when the house is loud, the kids are overstimulated, and the "Red Shoes" the temptation of the sparkling are pulling you to fix everything—find the Pause.

• An invitation : When a request is made of you, do not answer immediately. 

This is the Zen forged in stillness. 

 The Internal Check: Ask your body: "If I say yes to this, am I leaving myself to accommodate them?"

 * The Containment Verb: If the answer is yes, practice the relationally rooting in YOU :for example : "I hear that you need [X], but I am currently in my own care. I can look at that in 20 minutes. “ 

3. Sensory Containment (Protecting the Wildfire of Neurodivergent mamas) 

Christmas is a sensory "Nigredo." Overstimulation is everywhere ! The lights, the noise, and the social expectations can cause an Autistic or highly sensitive mother to fragment. SO easy. 

• The Practice: Use "Micro-Descents." When the noise becomes a "wildfire," do not push through it (spiritual bypass). Instead, go through it by retreating. Use your headphones if you have. Allow yourself to become “antisocial”, by choosing YOU. 

• The Tool: Slip into a bathroom or a quiet corner. Place your hands over your ears or eyes for 60 seconds. This is a literal act of containing your energy so it doesn't leak out into a meltdown. You are signaling: "I am worthy of a sacred vessel of silence."

4. The "Honeyed Heart" Boundary whilst remaining porous

Containment is not about being "cold"; it is about being integrated. And it takes vigilance on our behalf 

• The Practice: When family drama arises or old wounds "flare," practice the non-dual pointer. Observe the drama as a wave in the ocean, but stay as the Honeyed Heart (the ocean floor).

An affirmation to yourself: "This sorrow/chaos is happening, but it is not ME. I am the space that holds it." By not "becoming" the drama, you are practicing the ultimate containment. This takes practice . As a metaphor you can use the ocean and wave. You ARE the Ocean observing the waves of drama collapsing into the vastness of your depths

5. Pruning the Attention

"Vesseling is valuable and requires I prune my attention from something else."

• The Practice : Consciously choose one "tradition" or "expectation" to set down this year. Just one. 

• The Why: By letting go of the "perfect table" or the "extra party," you are reclaiming that energy for your own vessel. You are choosing to not abandon your peace to accommodate a cultural script that is not true for you. I chose to cancel an 18 people gathering and i felt GREAT!

A "Warrior Mama" Holiday Motto:

I am the hearth, not the wood. I provide the warmth, but I will not be consumed by the fire."

By practicing these small acts of Vesseling, you arrive at the end of the holiday season not as a pile of ash, but as a mother who has successfully remained at home within herself.

Decolonising the indoctrinated ways we have inherited without questioning if they fit our bodies our hearts and values - is such important work.

Do share with me how you wish to do Christmas differently this year !

TWO POEMS BY ME AS MY GIFT TO YOU

*****The Manger of Your Own Skin ****

When the light returns, do not rush to meet it with your eyes.

Instead, open your ears to the frequency of the deep~

Hear the birdsong, sharp and jagged,

Tearing the sky open to let the morning bleed in.

As you rise from the land of dreams,

Do not let the thread go.

That silver cord nourished you in the places I cannot teach you of;

Let your breath be the only guide you trust,

The steady rhythm of a soul coming back to its ribs.

This breath is your only golden star.

You need no donkey, no sheep to blow warmth upon your brow;

You have the heat of your own marrow,

The holy architecture of your own animal body.

Wake surrendered, as if under the gaze of a Great Mother

Who sees you not as a project to be fixed,

But as a miracle already complete.

Let the day approach you like a Queen,

Offering the magic that belongs to those who refuse to be pawns.

This is how we remember:

You are not a stranger here.

You are the child, the seed, the ancient pulse

Lying in the manger of this magnificent,

Wild, and aching universe.

Words Maria kefalogianni, 19.12.2025

***Warrior Mama’s Prayer *****

You speak of enlightenment~

imagined peaks crowned with gold,  

samadhi’s pristine arrivals. 

But I?  

I chart my path by the flare of old wounds:  

landmarks split open, 

places where the ancients  Ones , 

buried seeds of roses that are now waiting to bloom -

This is the warrior’s mama’s prayer :  

to kneel in the soil of my own undoing,  

hands clawing through mud and bone,  

harvesting what the mothers planted  

with their swallowed silences, 

their eyes  

wide as communion plates.  

I wield the Mother’s blade~ a Zen forged  in stillness, and surrender ,

The pause , between breath and strike. 

The heart’s archery is not a pretty metaphor:  

my bowstring is her spine, unbroken.  

My arrow; 

a tongue that refuses to rot  

in the mouth of the unspoken.  

I am love, yes—but love carved as hieroglyphs of their endured nights, 

love that unveils the codes backwards

Love that drills into shale  

to drink from ancestral aquifers. 

The mountains in my marrow stand with secrets:  

Neurodivergence is no curse, but a covenant of thorns

my child’s wildfire is simply the kindling for the world’s pyres.  

He is here to ignite the world’s malaise. 

Let the fools try to quench it.  

These witch-burdens, these inherited shards: 

they cut, yes, but oh, 

how they catch the light.  

The quest was never in transcendence. 

It was in Matrescence. 

The fine walk between the edge where comfort crumbles,  

letting the tide of my lineage roar through me , 

until my name become a synonym of freedom

Words : Maria Kefalogianni -April 2025.

Author of honey and ash mothers’ Alchemy of Burn and Bloom. Available on Amazon- makes a great gift - FIND IT HERE

If my words resonated , you can join my NEXT INTAKE of MOTHER ALCHEMY CIRCLE - REGISTRATIONS ARE NOW OPEN to 10 women -ONLINE VILLAGE 3:00-4:30pm - who want to ANCHOR in their VESSEL and Learn how to Converse with their SOUL.

Book your place Below - Sliding Scale for the duration of the whole 6 weeks ;DATES: 23rd February, , 2nd March, 9th March, 16th March, 23rd march,

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