De#colonising Motherhood/ fatherhood ;
The path back to our HEARTs,. Back to our essence
parenthoodis a universal experience, deeply rooted in cultural, social, and historical contexts. Parenthood has often been intertwined with colonial influences, shaping societal norms, expectations, and power dynamics.
Especially power dynamics.
To challenge and transcend these imprints, which are residing within our cellular bodily memory, we can begin by truly
exploring the truth within our own hearts.
A non dual perspective can be applied as a philosophy to offer us a different, old new framework about this.
It holds at its core the interconnectedness , inclusivity and underlying unity between us and our children.
The interconnectedness between mothers and their children entrained in the universal heart .
If what we truly are is a stream of consciousness, then the trauma of previous generations, unfelt unprocessed, because the privilege of doing so wasnt there, carries on to future generations.
By exploring this intersection we can allow ourselves to reframe parenthood and to liberate it from the inherent doctrine
To free it from obstructrs that do not serve any more
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This can look and sound like the most incredible paradox AND can bring the most acute wounding and grief/ pain onto our herats and bodies, to be felt and be set free. It is a divine invitation we have been fearing for Eons.
Colonial influences have left lasting imprints on the concept of parenthood perpetuating power imbalances and oppressive systems.
Festering the ghost illusion of CONTROL Over , BOTH ourselves and as an extension of our children .
This perspective acts as a lightening striking, into what we believed to be true and what we took for granted.
It roots us straight into our basic insticts , away from a sense of pathology, yet without dismissing the human grief and shadow attached to it.
It encourages us to question and deconstruct societal expectations, norms, and stereotypes attached to parenthood, paving the way for a more inclusive and liberated understanding.
We want to move away from hegemonic understandings of motherhood/ fatherhood.
Gender is part of the collective deconstruction that is currently occurring.
Can we hold a big embrace of all parenting styles family structures. ?
We also hold tenderly the need for containment. Our children need our containment. We do not oscilate over to become controlling NOR permissive, perpetuating the wounding that s been desperately calling for freedom.
No.
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There s a lot to decolonise but i want to focus on another aspect of Motherhood from my personal her-story.
My lineage is women who have self sacrificed their needs and neglected their own wellbeing for the service to others. This has been my greatest gift and wounding, passed down to me, to braid it into deeper surrender and power, and radical responsibility..
My gift to them, and my community , and consequently the gift to my children is to stay rooted in their ancestral expansive heart AND not abandon me. A hell of a challenge?!
I know all mamas reading this will resonate .
It s not an accident to see fathers stepping in more fully to what they always deserved, more time directly with their children, more nurturing connections, instead being seen as the “breadwinner” for eons. What a huge responsibility , in their role they became invisible , Too!
A role that somehow i see a lot of women carry now…
As we re moving to turn the tides let’s be awake alert and conscious in this movement .
Here in the heart of the parenting im advocating we are striking the golden balance. The centre less centre inbetween.
It is possible .
Arriving at this place of inner freedom is NOT a solo endeavour
It begins with us AND it is simultaneously an issue that is of systemic context.
It is NOT the one OR the other. It is both/and.
We CAN do this alone, because us and nature is ONE and it s organically unfolding.
Because it is our instincts to love and be love. Because rain effortlessly watering our forests and allows growth and life to be here.
Because the sun shines over our heads to sustain us. Life knows how to sustain life.
AND, at the same time, we need to be in an environment that will demonstrate that and hold us together into this untangling. The flowers need the right environment to flourish, right ?
You only need to take a glance at the state of this planet. WE have harmed our own bodies in harming our mother . And we are only ever so slightly beginning to wake up. But i hold immense hope.
So, fellow parent, for the shame or guilt or grief you might be feeling reading these words, i send a loving embrace.
This is the first time generation that we are attempting , consciously, to do the UN-business
UNdo
Unlearn
Untangle
Unstruggle
Un-derstand ( Stand Under the weight of our ancestors and hear their answer in your heart )
Un-lock…
A non-dual approach emphasizes the interconnectedness of all aspects of life. By embracing self-compassion and holistic well-being, we decolonise motherhood and fatherhood by recognising the vitality of the well being of the parent AND their children.
It holds at its centre ALL feelings, and self care practices, by taking into consideration the historical context and the legacy burdens we carried in our roles/ cultures/ etc.
It allows us to foster a collective sense of empowerment and liberation.
This is a hell of untangling to be done. And it’s messy. It can be very messy , intense AND guttural painful.
AND it is the gift from the Divine to US.
So we can surrender and trust , an inch at a time , that we are held . That it’s supposed to be messy and shedding skin is supposed to feel painful.
But gathering together in circle IN our wounding , is solace , balm to the soul.
Some Inquiries to assist with your parenting
“Who is raising your child” Inspired by self inquiry , this method done in silence and contemplation
Who is it?
Is it your heart or your father/mother, the white colonialism in you indoctrinating you to absorb values about oppression OR
Is it your heart ?
What practices does your heart need to cultivate more support and empowerment in your parent role ?
I d love to hear your thoughts on this spontaneous blog/ expression of life .
All the love
Ps. A fellow mother struggling daily AND flowing daily to find this golden balance.
The human and the holy human
A poem that arose in one of my contracted days asking me to surrender deeper .
They say a mother’s heart is to break at your birth
and every now and then,
your first nursery day
school day
the big rites of passage
If even
Hell no!
A mother s heart is to break daily ,
consecutively 7 days a week ,24/7
a mother s path is to be journeyed daily
From the one surrender to the next
Her duty is to let ,her heart , burst open ,
fully and fearlessly , daily
And keep find ing herself in
the ground less ground of love s abyss
That is the service to all her children
- from the morning i wake up I enter unknown
And willingly invite you to un do me
And I am being undone
From the watching of you brushing your teeth
awe takes over my body
Awe About how nature simply knows
She fills you up with your most radiant smile
So you gift this to me?
What have I done to deserve this
To the last moment of the day
when my mother hand strokes your hair ,
still a little wet from uour bath
I let my fingertips travel all the way , and again,
I’m lost in the abyss of this love
I see you as eternally beautiful, drifting off to shores anew
To weave dreams
Your eye lashes are so vast they could give shade
to the most impoverished among us
You humble my will
You burst my heart open
And I let you do that to me
Again and again and again
I merge with you
I become one
They have you believe that you need to give your children independence
Autonomy
Space to breathe
And I want to breathe your air
Smell your smell
Breathe you in
And let you anoint every atom and cell in my body that hasn’t yet awaken to
Your love
Your innocence
Your beauty
Your truth
So, my child, break me open
Tear me apart
To the depths of this soul s love ❤️ that I haven’t yet travelled
I’m here for that
I’m here for all of that
JOIN US
IN OUR PARENT COMMUNITY HERE
Art : Thomasz Alen Copera
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